Last week was not a great week. I lost my footing, my heart-centered connection, and clear perception and got completely stuck in my head.
Stuck within the confines of what is happening, stuck in the absence of personal freedom, stuck in the fear, in the emotional murkiness of my personal struggles at this challenging time. Stuck in grief and, at times, complete overwhelm.
Yes, I know! Step into gratitude and an acceptance of this situation. Surrender to what is and trust! It’s a time to reset and replenish. To retreat. To rise above the fear and uncertainty and turn towards compassion and love. This is, after all, my ultimate aim through this pandemic.
I woke up last Tuesday with that exact intention. This quote even showed up in my feed to solidify my resolve.
‘In a pandemic, self-isolation is called quarantine. In Buddhism, it is called a retreat. From the cave of our home, like the meditators of ancient times, we can consciously kindle the lamp of compassion and connection.’
Yes, I was going to embody compassion and connection. I am the nurturer of this family. We can retreat together and use this time to reconnect and recenter.
By 11 am things had taken a dramatic turn. I was no longer a nurturer, embodying compassion and connection. I was a frustrated, angry mum going through her own stuff and dealing with balancing work, a house, and kids going through their stuff.
I wasn’t in my retreat center! I was here. Showing up in spite of my own pain. Accepting what is. And with every intention to keep things in harmony and peace and connection.
But my space between stimulus and response had shortened and I was embodying reaction. I was yelling at the top of my voice. My anger. My frustration. Pouring out of me. This is no retreat. This is real shit. There is no one making me tofu and brown rice salad here. There are no singing bowls calling me to meditation.
And who knows how long this could go on for?
I accept that Tuesday especially, and a couple of days after that, were challenging for many reasons. I feel that before I could embrace a more positive mindset there were some challenging emotions that needed to be felt and released. I needed to surrender to my current situation in its new state. I needed to feel and process the discomfort and pain. I needed to come into a state of deep acceptance. What was however clear to me throughout last week, was that I didn’t want to respond to this challenge from a space of fear and reaction.
So, as the week unfolded I chose to firstly embrace radical self-acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion. Perhaps that is the first step in moving through this consciously. Last Tuesday, as I kissed my beautiful girl’s goodnight, I had to accept and share my absolute humanness with them. I had to forgive myself, and choose to let go of and accept, a situation I have no control over.
We are all probably going to have days when we plunge into murkiness, separation, fear, and emotional flooding. And maybe we need to be okay with that. I feel that as we navigate this experience we need to be gentle with ourselves and remember that it’s not about the murkiness but in how we choose to rise up again. Not defeated but as a warrior ready to take our next steps. This is ultimately about the human spirit’s capacity to create emotional resilience through times of adversity. We need to have tools that help reset ourselves and be conscious and real about whatever state we are in.
I will rise stronger today and in the days that follow. I will take measures to honor my own self-care using the Mega Self framework. It is not through these days that we lose ourselves – it is through them that we find and empower ourselves with a strength that we never knew lurking within.
We are all in this together. Murky and confusing. But together. Always. We are all reflections within our humanness. So please remember, if you are having a shitty day, you are not alone. You have the strength to rise up as a warrior once more. Embrace compassion, radical self-acceptance, and forgiveness.
As I contemplate this journey and this world challenge, I will choose to accept my humanness more than ever. I accept that I will not always move with compassion and love but that I have incredible tools to recenter myself to this place that I want to inhabit. I choose to also allow myself to feel the murky discomfort and know there will probably be more days like this one, and I will choose to rise up – again and again.
We can support each other, we can ask for help! We can honor what self-care looks like and more than anything make that our priority.
Asking for help and Connecting
Laughter, Love, and Letting go
Food – Healthy, nurturing, and delicious
Every single one of these factors was paramount to me finding my balance point again.
These strategies are the basis of the Mega Self framework and are needed now more than ever. They can become the lifelines that enable us to move through this experience with a little more gentleness and hope and in doing so, step into our MEGA SELF-potential.
So as I move gently into this week, I will continue to accept this reality and I will acknowledge what I can and can’t control. I might want things to be very different right now but they are not. So I will embrace what is happening as best I can. I will create a practice of mindfulness, of slowing down, and of placing my focus on that which is important – today!
I do not know how I will emerge from this, but I do know that I will be in some way transformed. I have incredible tools to step into my warrior light. To truly practice embracing love and compassion when another part of me will be conditioned to revert back to old emotional states of survival and fear.
I will trust in this wisdom and use this experience and these incredible tools to consciously come back to this place of LOVE – again and again, and again.
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